My Van Damme Summer

 Def Rec: JCVD Season

Welcome to Splitsville: We’re nearing the end of summer but you still have time to watch hard-hitting (and roundhouse kicking) blockbusters starring none other than Jean-Claude Van Damme. But which of JCVD’s fiery action movies should you choose? I started the sweltering season with a mission to refamiliarize myself with the Muscles From Brussels. After weeks of chops, sweeps, punches, and headbutts, I can definitely recommend what Van Damage is right for you.

I’m only in the first phase of my movie martial arts journey, so this sizzling selection is from the early era of the legendary actor’s career. Full disclosure: I did some time-hopping and revisited Timecop (1994) but mostly stayed within the blazing beginning of international superstar’s film streak.

Now it’s time to split and run down the Van Damme movies I’ve screened so far. At the end, I’ll reveal which out of all of them I definitely recommend. Like JCVD’s ESL speaking lines, I’ll keep these as short and sweet as possible.

No Retreat, No Surrender (1986)

I raw-dogged this movie. No Rifftrax, no nothin’. As hard-to-digest as this Karate Kid (1984) knockoff was, the low budget ghost of “Bruce Lee” (Tae-being Kim, credited as Kim Tai Chong, playing “Sensei Lee”) contributed to an unintentionally hilarious flick. Points off for Van Damme playing a bad guy, but to be fair, this was one of his first theatrical roles. Points re-earned for the Belgium-born thespian’s evil 80s Russian look and accent.

Bloodsport (1988)

The all-timer, the classic, the iconic film that most people remember Van Damme for. This underground tournament tale still holds up and is a banger all these years later. There’s a reason it’s so beloved by fans all over the world, and honestly there’s not much more to be said about it. During my rewatch, though, I noticed a crucial detail that somehow eluded me for decades. While Chong Li (Bolo Yeung) was already shown to be an imposing opponent, he wasn’t necessarily presented as a central antagonist yet. It wasn’t until Jackson (Donald Gibb) stupidly instigates a violent vendetta that the behemoth was showcased as the main villain. In a flashy display of confidence, the cocky American Jackson points to Chong as his next victim. This pivotal moment was something I just was not paying attention to as a kid. Ah, well, Jackson made up for inviting the Chong Li beatdown by sticking around for Bloodsport II (1996). Or maybe that was further penance for his biker brashness.

Kickboxer (1989)

I don’t remember where I read this but somebody online said that Kickboxer was sneakily better than Bloodsport. I mean, they’re wrong, whoever they are, but I respect the bold take. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve assumed that Kickboxer came out before Bloodsport - the ’89 boxer who kicks flick features Van Damme as the more reserved (and way more foreign) brother of a famous professional fighter. The United States-raised sibling gets injured, and JCVD enters a highly dangerous competition to avenge his family and earn all the glory, etc. Van Damme once more faces a beastly challenger with the help of combat veteran Winston Taylor (Haskell V. Anderson III). Training montages, corrupt authority figures, and the renowned Jean-Claude dancing sequence - this film has a little something for everyone, but Bloodsport it ain’t.

Timecop (1994)

One might think that if I was keeping to a certain period yet willing to skip the likes of Death Warrant (1990), Double Impact (1991), and Universal Soldier (1992), then why not go straight to 1994’s Street Fighter if I’m jumping ahead to that year anyway? Well, I’m a sucker for goofy time travel rules and magnificent mullets. Early-to-mid-nineties sci-fi is a special kind of awesome and is particularly amazing when it comes to chrono-chaos. I’m still uncertain of why the Timecops had to be thrust into a reality-warping portal via a cramped car. Once the person arrives at their destination, they’re sans vehicle, but at least they aren’t nude as graphically exposed in The Terminator (1984). This time-hopping, mind-bending, and logic-defying movie offers something I always appreciate - explaining in-universe why the non-American leading man starring in a film primarily made for U.S. audiences is so, well, not American-sounding. I’m glad no one tried to make JCVD sound like anything he’s not but there’s no getting around the accent. Early in the picture, Max Walker (Jean-Claude Van Damme, of course) is strolling through the mall with his wife Melissa (Mia Sara) who has a throwaway line about Max’s accent. His Max-cent? Anyway, as is so common with tragic heroes, Melissa is slain and Max is next shown in 2004 still time-coppin’ away. He is attacked in his mid-aughts apartment where JCVD somehow finds yet another opportunity to open his legs. Near the start of the film in the aforementioned shopping mall, there are balloons shaped to resemble a person doing a split. In case you didn’t know by this point in human history, if you have Van Damme in your movie, he will show off his signature flexibility. Maybe the time travel technology used in the movie will get invented in real life so we can go back and relive the limberness time and time again.

Cyborg (1989)

Now we return to the past in order to go back to the future. In a dystopian post-apocalyptic wasteland, there are few rules other than survive at any cost. The main commandment you must adhere to is to have your hair as poofy as possible. With flared-out tips highlighting a spiked ’do, Van Damme enters the futuristic fray where cyborg people are a means to a MacGuffin. Half-robot Pearl Prophet (Dayle Haddon) possesses the cure to the plague that has stricken the world, plunging society into a new dark age. You’d think she’d be the one pairing up with our favorite Brussels-born battler, but poor Pearl gets kidnapped by the villainous (and super cheesy) Fender (Vincent Klyn). This movie could’ve easily stated that the Big Bad was evil for the sake of being evil, but the filmmakers supplied him with a refreshing motive. Maybe it’s the best reason for a character to do anything - Fender simply wants to do what he’s doing. The lone wolf who is ravaged by the memory of his fallen found family is, of course, Jean-Claude, and he does indeed get saddled with an escort mission. Nady Simmons (Deborah Richter) served as the stubborn sidekick chick who fights alongside our drifter protagonist. The duo traverses the cursed territories while searching for the synthetic humanoid holding the cure for humanity. To be honest, the cybernetic element isn’t as big of a deal as I was expecting. The bad guys are all flesh and bone as far as I could tell, unless I completely missed something. I believe Pearl was the main cyborg and frankly, it could’ve been anything or anyone keeping the precious antidote to the worldwide sickness. If this reminds you of Mad Max (1979) then I suppose it should since Van Damme plays a man named Gibson Rickenbacker, which is similar to Max Rockatansky. I guess the savior of the wasteland is destined to have a long, funny-sounding name.

Lionheart (1990)

The movie is called “Lionheart” and Van Damme’s character is named Lyon. Perfection. This is the movie that is more like Street Fighter than Street Fighter. Similar to Kickboxer, Lyon must come to the aid of his brother - well, his deceased bro’s family, that is. Fleeing his desert post as a French soldier (which is similar to JCVD abandoning his military duties in Bloodsport to go compete in the seedy Kumite tournament), Lyon eventually finds his way stateside. On the run and out of money, Lyon takes up underground fighting for quick cash. Also much like Kickboxer, Jean-Claude befriends a seasoned streetwise vet in the form of Joshua (Harrison Page). What makes Lionheart stand out is its, er, heart. Underneath the late eighties/early nineties glam of substance abuse, fight club organizing, and general crookedness, there is a wholesome tale of a brother going to extreme lengths to protect his fallen sibling’s wife and daughter. The bloody bouts earn Lyon a nice stack of dough, but he must also evade the soldiers hunting him for going AWOL. To be fair, Lyon’s time on the desert base sucked. As he descends deeper into the clutches of his corrupt fight “bosses,” Lyon prepares for his last duel. Going in hurt from all the fisticuffs, Lyon is at a huge disadvantage but is determined to win the final prize money. Joshua, who has gone from seeing Lyon as a cash cow to someone he genuinely cares for, urges his friend to retreat or possibly surrender. The two men’s relationship is more touching than a cheesy action flick has any right to be.

Def Rec: If you spend your waning summer hours with only one of these Van Damme cinematic masterpieces, I definitely recommend Lionheart. The film features exciting elements from all of these other JCVD offerings but combined in one hearty package.

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